Box fail

Today the wife came home with a bin. The bin will replace the box we put our recycling in. The bin will stop baby from accessing our recycling as he used to with the open box and trying to a) eat it and/or b) redistribute it across the kitchen floor. The first thing baby did, even before we’d put a single item in or peel the annoying sticker off the front, was stand up and pull the bin over onto the floor.

The wife’s trip to town left me in charge of baby for the morning, a perfect opportunity for a walk to the hardware store for the pin hammer I need to fix some panels and lunch out with me and baby. Baby declined his tuna melt and opted for as many of my chips as I’d give him and the meagre chicken content from my chicken, bacon and sweetcorn sandwich instead. The wife’s lunch was hugely more successful in that the only person she had to share it with was herself.

I did at least manage to get the pin hammer. On the way home I also found the sock he’d removed and thrown away without me noticing on the pavement and a large amount of tuna melt stuck to the frame of the pram.

The bin being only a partial success now baby can get into it, also brought into the home a bin sized cardboard box. That would make a great tunnel said the wife. It would said I having laid it on the floor and sized it up against baby. So I cut the end flaps off the box and the box collapses.

Tunnel collapse I think to myself and wonder where the stupid movie dog is that cowers in the car as the tunnel collapses forcing a main character back to rescue the dog and face possible certain death.

Determined that baby will have one and a half feet of cardboard tunnel to crawl through before bedtime, my inner engineer takes over and I start to tape the end panels to each side to act as firming supports. It works. The box stands. So does baby who leans on it and it collapses again, cushioning baby’s fall with three layers of soft cardboard and packing tape. Baby starts to remove the side panels and there is a fear that he’ll start to eat the packing tape. This is foolish, of course he’s going to eat the fucking packing tape, he’s a baby he eats everything.

Baby is removed from the box and the box re-stood. My Blue Peter style structural engineering holds and there is a square tunnel through which baby crawls first one way then the other. He repeats twice more during the afternoon and loses complete interest in the tunnel. I now have a large cardboard box with the ends taped on to the sides taking up valuable living room real estate. Where are the rest of the toys going to be spread if there’s a stupid box in the way.

I consider busting it down and putting it in our new recycling bin.


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