Just another parenting anomaly in the space time continuum to deal with…

I think there’s this thing called parent time. It’s the way as a parent you experience time completely differently from anyone else including other parents who are also experiencing the same thing but completely differently from you. It is particularly virulent for parents of toddlers and young children and may decrease in severity over time but as yet I have no concrete evidence.

Parent time is like taking the concept of dog years and putting it through the crazy crash zoom in Jaws.

So a normal month of real time feels like a day of parent time and a real day can have moments of fleeting eternity, usually accompanied by the sound of screaming, and many minutes of laughter and play that are only able to register themselves as a split second on your consciousness.

A year of parent time is equivalent to a blink in real time but two years of parent time (rounded up or down) are a blink within a blink. That’s like half a blink I guess, or if you like to cook then a small pinch.

When you operate in the outside world there’s a further momentum effect at play so the moment you step out of your door the missing time kicks you square in the chops like a wrecking ball swinging from its highest apex.

If you decide to do something stupid and and entirely incompatible with parenting like holding down a job or a home or friends, then no matter how long a real day might be in parent time, or possibly how long a day of parent time might represent itself as real days which we’ve already ascertained are many, there will never be enough hours in the day.

If you don’t there still won’t be enough hours in the day, only they’re different kinds of hours.

It’s highly likely that you will also suffer from sleep deprivation at times in which case all the above rules still apply only in slow motion, severely intoxicated and in Klingon.